Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
