I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
