I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
