Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
