Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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