And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
