Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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