he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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