I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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