I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
