I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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