porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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