Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
