Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
