you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
