It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
