i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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