It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
