why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
