This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
