If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
