so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
