she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My bed smells like the plague
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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