Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
