Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
