I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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