Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm both gender and math confused
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
