So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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