She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
