just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
