Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
