summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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