And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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