Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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