Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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