Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
