dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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