do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
