i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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