Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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