i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize