seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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