He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
