There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
