WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
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In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
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once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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