my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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