So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
