I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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