oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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