I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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