I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
