Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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