Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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