Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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