Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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