would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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