I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
