He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
