I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
