New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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