your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
