I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
