alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize