That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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