Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
