I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
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I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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